Dear Married Couples,
Remember, the little things matter a whole lot more than the big gestures you do for each other.
You see, the little things remind your spouse that you’re regularly paying attention to them, that you’re respectful of their needs, and are considerate of their feelings.
But most importantly, it tells them that you are THINKING OF THEM IN THEIR ABSENCE. Who doesn’t want to be remembered lovingly when they’re not around?
Big things are obviously nice too, but there is usually some greater objective tied to them.
For example, husbands, if you buy your wife an expensive bouquet of roses on her birthday or your anniversary, it’s appreciated, but it’s often expected. That expectation can sometimes overshadow just how thoughtful the act actually is.
Now if you were to buy a single rose on a random day, when she’s not expecting anything, can you see how that could have a greater impact? Even though a single flower is smaller than a bouquet, the fact that you went out of your way to get it for her because you wanted to, not because you had to makes it all that more meaningful.
Similarly, wives, when you buy an expensive bottle of cologne for your husband or make him his favorite meal on his birthday, he’ll certainly appreciate it, but think about how much that would mean to him if you actually did that during a stressful week, when you knew that he was working late nights and so focused on work he barely had anytime to eat a proper meal.
When we actually stop our daily routines to let our spouses know that they matter, that we SEE them, that we think of them when they’re not around and we actually feel GOOD, feel generous, feel loving, feel romantic, and feel happy towards them, we avoid all the miscommunication that often happens otherwise.
Each of us need to be validated, appreciated, and desired. If those messages aren’t being relayed regularly, then we may draw the opposite conclusions and begin to feel invalidated, unappreciated and undesireable.
So if you’re married, stop waiting around for your spouse to make the first move and start practicing more thoughtfulness. In sha Allah they will reciprocate and do the same for you. Here are some ideas to help you:
1. Write short but sweet post-it note messages for your spouse and leave them in their purse, briefcase, or wallet.
2. When your spouse is getting ready for work, instead of snoozing in bed, get up and make them a quick breakfast sandwich or whip them up a smoothie.
3. If there are set chores in the house, take a break from routine and do their chore one day, with a little message that you wanted to give them a break.
4. Offer to drop off or pick up things for them when you have some extra time.
5. Fill up their gas.
6. Call their mom or dad and check up on them or go pay them a quick visit if you can. Or send them a gift just to show you care.
7. Pick up their favorite treat/meal/dessert for them randomly.
8. Offer to watch the kids so they can go hang out with some friends.
9. Give them a shoulder rub when they are working and busy.
10. Make them breakfast in bed on the weekend!
11. Be extra affectionate and compliment them on their appearance, behavior, or a quality of theirs you love.
12. Hold their hand, touch their face, stroke their hair, or embrace them without having to explain why.
These are just a few small things every couple can do to keep the positive feelings flowing.
May Allah ﷻ protect our marriages and make us appreciate what and who we have while we have them. Amīn.
Hosai Mojaddidi
“Blowing out someone else’s candle won’t make yours shine brighter”— (viacoolkidscannotdie)